life$tyle of a teenage dirtbag

it was a surreal experience and i just couldnt stop

i feel as is life is just going okay

do you ever wonder why the best person to talk to is yourself?

i havent been on my blog in awhile, i guess its because i havent had the time or didnt think i needed to write in it anymore, but it turns out i do. life update:
im still with my bf of 17 months, we're pretty content, but there are times he drives me crazy.
theres one thing that really bothers me though, i feel like im losing touch with other friends. i had my best friend lose her boyfriend this summer, and i dont even talk to her. i miss my friends i used to hang out with at school, i know they graduated but it seems as if they were my big sisters and now i text them maybe once every two weeks. where has everyone gone? have i secluded myself so much from anyone other than my boyfriend that i no longer have time or a place for everyone else? one of my best friends the one who's been with me through everything is someone i call once a month. is it just me? or am i being controlled? maybe its the fact that i no longer have time... with school, college approaching, and the balancing of certain friendships as well as keeping my boyfriend happy. at times i wish i could just go away for a week, no phone no computer no contact with anyone, just me myself and i.
...ohhh to dream

you have no fucking idea.

i am so fucking depressed,
i feel like life is collapsing around me,
slowly brick by brick,
my foundation is crumbling as the basis of my life
and i literally have no one
because theyre the ones collapsing.

when i feel most secure in "us"
you tend to screw it up

I've been up since 3...
and i cant seem to sleep.

you said the things you said tonight which striked me as odd...
i have no idea what happened to "always being there for me"
yeah i knew you ignored some stuff, but why?
the reasons you gave me i know werent legit.
i just wish you'd still talk to me instead of labeling me as a fail because of my pathetic love life.
im happy at the moment
can't you understand that?

when you say it its some grand romantic gesture.
but when i say it i'm "desperate"?

but it kills me to know you already did
i cant fight this feeling of being sad
it comes up so suddenly

i learned a lesson this year

love yourself before you love anyone else.

She's just a friend, you see
you always agree
you know i lie but you still trust me
and you believed in so much hope
but i'm the one who let you go

now that we're done i'm so sorry
why did i lie i'm so sorry
i know i hurt you
i know i hurt you

you still call my phone
cause you still want me
i'll tell my friends you're so annoying
you'll cry and curse when you're alone
but laugh and flirt when we're on the phone

now that we're done i'm so sorry
why did i lie i'm so sorry
i know i hurt you
i know i hurt you


now i see you with him
it was nothing like i thought it'd be
(i'll break down
for you)
it was nothing like i thought it'd be

now that we're done i'm so sorry
why did i lie i'm so sorry
i know i hurt you
i know i hurt you

now that we're done i'm so sorry
why did i lie i'm so sorry
i know i hurt you
i know i hurt you

that everyone's leaving for school

nalani, just left for frisco
so did martine
and now marissa's going to san diego
=/
jeez i'm having a bad month

it still hurts
but i guess if you can get over me so quickly i can too right?

its a shame though
i wasted more than a year

"ariel, ariel your crying made me miss my favorite part of the song"

10 fucking months
and its over

dont give me your
"baby i miss you" shit
because i know your telling it to 10 other girls
you were never a guy who could commit were you?
i'm trying to play nice as of now
but we all know its gona end in a heartbeat
because the minute you fuck me over, i'll be gone faster than you could break it off.
right now its cheap hook ups and no emotion
i dont care anymore
dont tell me i'm pretty because i dont believe you at this point
it would have been fine if only you didnt behave the way you typically do
sorry
i'm not going to have sex with you.

temptaion got the best of me.
and i fucked up by letting you in on something you weren't suppose to know about.
but, maybe just maybe this is karma for something your up to?
did you ever think i might suspect something?
you tell me we have something that can never fall apart
when everyday its like a crack in a dam
little by little it'll take hold and become a flood.
whoever reads this as you can tell i'm dealing with some shit.
not to mention the fact that my dad might be unfaithful
i write this not to get attention but to make aware of how much i distrust the opposite sex.
its never been right.

was going to be us together,
is now something i reached for but see no longer
i hope you know this hurts possibly more than anything has hurt me.



for some reason, everytime i look forward to something, it seems to horribly go wrong